One day, Pete was complaining to his buddy, “Man, my head is killing me. I think I need to see a doctor.”

His friend shook his head and said, “Nah, don’t waste your money! There’s a machine at the drugstore that can diagnose anything faster and cheaper than a doctor. Just tell it what’s wrong, drop in a urine sample, and boom—it’ll tell you exactly what to do! Only costs $20!”

Pete thought, Why not? So, he grabbed a jar, provided his “sample,” and went to the drugstore.

He found the fancy machine, poured in his sample, and fed it $20. The screen lit up, made some beeping sounds, and a slip of paper popped out:

Diagnosis: You have migraines. Take better care of yourself—rest, drink water, avoid bright lights, and cut down on stress. Come back in two weeks if it doesn’t get better.

Pete was amazed! This thing actually works!

But then… curiosity got the best of him. Could this machine be fooled?

So, he came up with a genius (or ridiculous) plan. He mixed together:

Tap water

His dog’s poop

His wife’s urine

His teenage daughter’s urine

A little bit of motor oil from his car

Feeling like a mad scientist, he took the “mystery mix” back to the machine. He poured it in, dropped another $20, and waited.

The computer beeped, whirred, flashed some lights, and finally printed out its analysis:

Results:

Your tap water is contaminated.

Your dog has worms.

Your teenage daughter is pregnant.

Your wife has been with five different men in the last six months.

Your car needs a new radiator.

And last but not least…

And you wonder why you have a headache?!