A very modest man was in the hospital undergoing a series of tests, one of which left his digestive system in complete disarray.

After several false alarms, he assumed the latest urge to go to the bathroom was another false call and decided to stay in bed.

Unfortunately, he was wrong. He suddenly soiled the bed in a way that left him utterly mortified and unable to think clearly.

In his panic, he leapt out of the bed, grabbed the soiled sheets, and hurled them out of the hospital window in a desperate attempt to rid himself of the evidence.

Outside, an old drunk happened to be staggering by when the sheets landed squarely on him.

Startled and confused, the man began yelling, cursing, and flailing his arms in a frantic attempt to get the mysterious, smelly “attack” off him. In the chaos, he managed to untangle himself, leaving the soiled sheets in a heap on the ground.

As he stood there, swaying unsteadily and staring down at the mess in disbelief, a hospital security guard, who had witnessed the entire scene and was struggling to keep a straight face, approached him and asked, “What on earth is going on here?”

The drunk, still staring at the pile of sheets, replied with wide-eyed sincerity: “I think I just beat the sh!t out of a ghost.”

One day, a drunken man walks into a coffee shop.

“Do you have iced coffee?”

“No, sir. We don’t.” Said the coffee shop owner.

“So ok,” the drunk man said.

Then he leaves. He comes back 20 minutes later.

“Do you have iced coffee?” he asks again.

“No, sir. We don’t. I told you before.” Said the owner.

“Oh, I am sorry,” said the drunken man as he waddled off.

He comes again 20 minutes later.

“Do you have iced coffee?”

“Sir, I told you before. We do not have any iced coffee.”

“Wow, ok then. You don’t have to tell me twice!” exclaims the drunkard and leaves.

This time, the owner decides to put coffee in a bucket of ice and wait.

Indeed, 20 minutes later, the drunkard returns.

“Do you have iced coffee?” he inquires.

“Why ye,s sir, we do!” says the owner with a smile.

“Ugh, could you heat a cup for me then?”