Since my boyfriend “forgets” his credit card every time we eat out, I have to pay for everyone.

All of it came crashing down one night, starting a heated argument that made me think about how much I was willing to give up. I felt like my bad luck was finally catching up with me, making me face the things I had been avoiding all along.

After nine months, I’m still seeing Sam. There’s no doubt that he’s a good dad to his two kids, Mia and Jake. They are always lively and fun to be with.

Every week, for dinner, we go out. The four of us going out to eat and spending time together has become a regular thing.

I began to notice a pattern after a few months of dating Sam. It started out as small things that added up to something big. We met Mia and Jake at a cozy family diner one night.

The kids were reading the menu and were thrilled by all the options. “Can I get the pancakes and bacon?” Mia asked, excited about her meal already.

In a smile, Sam said, “Sure, sweetheart,” telling them they could have whatever they wanted. Later, Jake ordered the biggest burger on the menu and a milkshake.

I didn’t think much about it until I got the check. Like always, Sam rubbed his pockets and his face fell. “What the heck… My credit card is missing.

I looked at him and felt that familiar twitch of anger. I had paid for all three of our last dinners. “Again?”

Laughing it off. “Sorry about that, honey. No more than this time, I promise.”

I thought for a moment as the bill sat between us. There was a lot of it. The kids had ordered half of the menu, and I was already getting paid very little. They were sitting there, though, happy and excited, and Sam had that sorry look on his face. I sighed, took out my card, and gave it to them.

Sam reached for my hand as the server left. “I’ll get you back next time, I swear.”

I agreed, but I knew in my heart that I would have to pay again. He forgot about it more and more each time I said yes. The kids were happy, and it felt nice outside, but I had a bad feeling because I knew this couldn’t last.

I started to feel it in my budget last month. One job is full-time and the other is part-time, and it’s already hard for me to pay my bills, rent, and buy food. To pay for these dinners, I had to spend less on things I really needed.

To save money on gas, I had to skip a few bills, eat more meals at home, and even start walking to work. Whatever, I told myself, he’s just forgetting; it’s not a big deal. But I felt like I was being used in a deep way.

That time, though, my part-time job had just paid me. Although it wasn’t much, it was finally enough to pay my bills. Sam, I texted you quickly to remind him not to forget his credit card this time because I knew we were going out. He got back to her with a laughing emoji. I didn’t laugh.

The kids were just as excited when we got to the restaurant. Mia looked puzzled at the menu. “Can I get the chicken strips and the pizza, Dad?”

Sam said, “Sure,” right away. “Go ahead, get whatever you want.”

Jake looked at the menu as well. “I want the big burger and the milkshake!”

Laughing, Sam said, “Of course, buddy.”

I did not say anything while I watched them order. It was going to be a big sum. I was sure of it. While I tried to calm down, my stomach felt tight, and I hadn’t even drunk any water yet.

Before the food came, I leaned over to talk to Sam. “Hey, did you remember your card this time?” To keep it casual, I asked in a soft voice.

Sam looked embarrassed, rubbed his pockets, and then gave me the same look. I believe I left it in my other pair of jeans. It’s my sincere regret, honey. Could this one be covered? I will bring you back.

It took me a second to look at him. “Are you sure? One more time?”

He looked really shocked. “Come on, it’s just this time.”

I shook my head and felt my face get hot. “No, Buddy. It always happens. It’s not budgeted. I’m not going to do this anymore.

What the kids ordered showed up on big plates, piled high. Although I hadn’t eaten yet, I knew I couldn’t stay. Standing up, I took my bag.

“Wait, where are you going?” Samantha asked with a louder voice.

“I’m checking out. I am not going to pay for this again. We hope you enjoy your dinner. Instead of talking, I turned around and left.

There was a buzz on my phone soon after I got home. Samantha called.

My phone began to ring as soon as I got home. Samantha called. I looked at the screen for a second, still angry from the fight at dinner. I hadn’t really wanted to answer, but I knew I had to. Swiping to talk.

“Hello?”

“Are you serious right now?” Samantha’s voice was rough. “It looks like you left me and the kids behind when you left.” Why did you do that?”

I tried to calm down by taking a deep breath. “Sam, I currently feel drained of paying for everything. It’s not equitable.

It got worse when he said, “You left the kids hungry!” We left without eating because we had to. Ways to complete that? What were they thinking when you acted that way?”

I closed my eyes, feeling angry all over again. They weren’t hungry, Sam. They were able to order so much food even though you didn’t have your credit card with you. This is something you’ve done many times. I can no longer afford it.”

He raised his voice. No problem, I forgot my card. Don’t think I was trying to trick you into paying! That makes it look like I planned this.

It’s not that you forgot, Sam. “It’s precisely that you frequently forget,” I answered. “This has happened too many times, and each time I’ve paid for it.” You have no idea how this makes me feel.

Shortly after, he spoke up: “I can’t believe you would leave us like that.” You abandoned my children. The people were confused, and now I have to tell them that their dinner was ruined because you couldn’t feel sorry for them.

It got tight in my chest. It was an act for sympathy, and he brought up the kids again. Although I liked Mia and Jake, this wasn’t about them. What happened was Sam wasn’t taking responsibility. It’s not selfish of me, Sam. I’m going to fight for myself. Everything costs money, and I’m broke. Feeling really stressed out lately “

He said, “You didn’t even think about the kids.” “You have responsibilities too, because I’m a dad.” You should also care about them.

“I do care about them!” I was about to yell. “But this isn’t decent for me. You can’t always count on me to look out for you. It’s not my job to be their mom or your bank.

The tone of his voice became low and angry. “I didn’t realize you could be so heartless.”

I was really hurt by that. I had done everything I could to be a part of Sam’s life and the lives of each of the kids. Wholly heartless? Not really. I didn’t lack compassion. Honestly, I was just sick of being ignored. “Sam, this isn’t about being heartless. Fairness is important. I’m not going to do this anymore.

I pondered, “Where do I draw the line?”

I cared about the kids and wanted to be a good partner, but this was too much. Shouldn’t there be a balance? As a dad, wasn’t Sam supposed to take care of his kids, especially with money? Then what about me? Because I was dating him, should I have to keep paying?

I was getting more and more angry as I thought about it. I wasn’t mad about the money alone; I was mad that Sam didn’t seem to understand my limits.

I tried to talk to him about it several times, but he always brushed it off, like it wasn’t a big deal. But it was extremely important. Additionally, I had charges to make.

Sam seemed to have a good grasp of what I was going through. Was I just someone he could call on when he needed help?

I didn’t know. I knew I wasn’t going to stay, though.

The same restaurant welcomed me back a month after I had left Sam. The warm feel and cozy booth stayed the same. That is, I was by myself this time.

I smiled as I looked at the menu. I didn’t have that familiar knot in my stomach because I wasn’t worried about paying for someone else’s food. Pancakes, bacon, and the biggest milkshake they had were exactly what I asked for.

Simply enjoying the moment, with no feelings of guilt or stress.

As soon as the server brought the bill, I pulled out my card. Not only did I feel free from the stress of money, but I also felt free from the weight of always being the one to give. I had this meal and this moment just for myself. I no longer felt like I was on a budget.